 | Ranjit Kaur is President of Reach to Recovery International global breast cancer support network which is a programme of the International Union Against Breast Cancer (UICC). She leads this peer-support voluntary movement to provide psychosocial and practical support to women with breast cancer. She is also President of the Breast Cancer Welfare Association in Malaysia. (22 July 2005) |
Breast cancer – My Personal Account
By Ranjit Kaur Original Source of Information is from a medical journal - The Lancet, Issue no. 9472, May 14th 2005, Vol 365, Page 1742. The article below is reproduced with permission from The Lancet (22 July 2005). A diagnosis of breast cancer in 1998 left me with feelings of despair and isolation, alternating with feelings of panic. The people around me had no personal experience of cancer; they seemed to be strangers observing from the periphery, feeling sorry for me. I was lost in a maze of desolation and unanswered questions. A deep sense of insecurity prevailed. I yeamed to return to a safe place where nobody could harm me. Curled up in a fetal position in a hospital bed, I imagined myself being transformed into a fetus in my mother's womb, feeling a sense of false security in my imaginary sanctuary. It was a strange feeling, because my mother had died when I was 10 years old, and yet I had this strong desire for maternal bonding. My reaction to the diagnosis was typical of many women: initial denial followed by a feeling of injustice. Totally immersed in guilt, I felt that I had failed myself, my body had betrayed me, and this failure couldn't be reversed. I was doomed for whatever little time I had left. I underwent a mastectomy after a biopsy had revealed an invasive ductal carcinoma of my left breast. Axillary clearance was done upon the advice of the oncologist who saw me 2 weeks after the mastectomy. The result: three affected lymph nodes. I received 12 cycles of chemotherapy and 6 weeks of radiotherapy, followed by tamoxifen treatment. Whilst the surgeon's style of dealing with me was brusque, lacking empathy, the oncologist used excellent communication skills - especially in telling me about my condition, expectations of my survival chances, and the treatment plan. This reinstated some of my self confidence and I could think fairly clearly. The lesson learnt here was that the medical model of treating me like a pathological object did not help. Conversely, the social model of addressing my psychosocial state and treatment needs by giving me scientifically proven information in layman’s language transformed me to a calm and sensible patient.
The pain of breast cancer is not physical, but emotional. My professional and personal experience has shown that few can relate helpfully to emotional pain. I preferred the company of someone with a common experience of breast cancer, especially a "Reach to Recovery" volunteer who gave emotional and psychological support, with a great deal of empathy. Initially I coped by indulging in self pity, being treated as a victim by others. My cultural beliefs addressed my state of vulnerability. I believed "this is my karma" (destiny), and that I was "repaying for the sins of my past life". Whilst I knew that traditional healers could not cure my condition. I sought their advice temporarily as I tried to cope. I am aware of many cultural taboos surrounding breast cancer in my country. I have friends whose families believe that cancer can be contagious; they keep the cutlery and clothing of the cancer survivor separate from their own. Many women refrain from telling their children that "mummy has breast cancer" thinking that they are sparing the child the agony, not realising that they could be contributing to the child's fears. One acquaintance proudly revealed that she had kept the recurrence of breast cancer at bay by abstaining from sexual contact with her husband for the past decade. Stories of survival journeys spiced with mysteriously interesting anecdotes are admired and pursued by society as heroic acts. Nobody notices people who live normal lives after breast cancer. The experience of breast cancer can create a change of identity, priorities and the belief that life should not be taken for granted. Before I had breast cancer I was a busy career person and a volunteer in various NGOs; today I have a busy life, working full-time as a manager in a corporate company in Malaysia; I also devote considerable time as a volunteer helping women with breast cancer to live an improved quality of life during and after treatment. Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer I took life for granted; today, each day counts, and I try to accomplish as much as possible so that I have no regrets if I am unable to do so tomorrow. | 
