I Had Children Even After Treatment For Breast Cancer
By Cassandra Toh Hwee Sian, December 2006 Editor’s Note:
When Cassandra was encouraged to write her unique experience of having survived breast cancer and then go on to have two more children. She had this to say. “When I agreed to write, I did not know it would be difficult to put into words my experience. I have had no problem talking about it but to write is just so emotionally difficult. I am glad that I finally could confront it in words. I thank you for this healing. I hope this could serve as an encouragement to others.” Hi, my name is Cassandra and I could only come forward boldly to talk about this after all these years. Believe me, it is not easy. Everybody hears and even talks about this so called ‘disease’ but when it happens to oneself – it started with ‘could and would not happen to me’ stage and I finally succumbed to reality. Yes, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1996 at the age of 27!
I had my first born and you would hear from the world out there that breastfeeding would somehow ward mothers away from becoming a victim of breast cancer. Alas, it was not so in my case. My daughter was 3 years old then. It all started with a long occurrence of a common illness like the flu that could not be shaken off. I was feeling tired all the time. I blamed it on the change of season for the flu. We were in Canada then. I finally went for a body check. Nothing unusual I was told, all was well. However a month later, all hell broke loose. I found a huge nasty lump in my left breast.
I wasted no time and went for testing immediately. Results showed that I had cancer. Stage 3 was what they said. I was glad that my husband did not tell me that I was left with 6 months to live. It must have been a huge burden for him to carry.
He gave me lots of encouragement and strength to fight this battle. I looked at my little girl and my husband, they love me so much, and how could I let them down? How could I die without a fight? My husband always said it’s not only my battle but it’s a whole family battle.
The first treatment was at the Canadian Provincial Cancer Centre. There I had my first chemotherapy (chemo). It was a nightmare. Imagine that my urine was the same colour as the drug, red! I am not a medically trained person, but I wondered the “damage” the drug did. During the drug administration, my husband watched in horror as my face changed from a “healthy” colour to a pale shade, almost white. The effect of the drugs took control of my withered body. I could not even walk up the stairs to my bedroom when I reached home. My husband did lots of research on the internet and read many books - I was put on special diet.
My in-laws came to take care of things and along with them were bottles of Chinese herbs claimed to be able to heal. I took them. Wow, it made me feel good and I was able to do things again. I went for my second chemo but I was not given the dose because my white blood count was too low.
I decided to pack my bags and we went back to Asia to rethink my priorities. I had to fight. I had to re-strategise. I spent my time with close friends and relatives. While on the remedy, I was monitored by an oncologist in Singapore. In parallel, I was also seeking an herbalist. It did not work. I tried other methods too but nothing seemed to help. I desperately wanted to live. My daughter was still at a tender age, she needed a mother to love her. The only thing that I kept doing was my special diet of fish, vegetable and fruits. If I wanted to stay alive I needed to stay healthy and eat healthy food.
I finally came to my senses. My oncologist and counselling sessions paid off. I opted for continuation of chemo - skeptically. I understood that I needed to continue with my chemo, then surgery and radiation. I asked to get the mastectomy done first, why wait since I was going to lose the breast anyway. Like I said, I was ready to do anything to live.
Due to my delay in treatment, two of my lymph nodes were affected. After the surgery, I felt relieved; at least the lump was gone. I was never so focussed in my life; sometimes I wonder how I did it. Next came the chemo. My doctor knew about my first experience of chemo so she decided to approach it in a different way. It was to have the drug pumped slowly into my blood vessel close to the heart over 48 hrs. I had to carry the little pump in a pouch anywhere I went. I liked this way much better. The biggest challenge was to get my white blood count up during this period and cope with the side effects.
 There were times that I was mentally strong and times that I begged God for mercy. I even bargained with Him to let me live till my daughter was old enough to be independent. It was very difficult emotionally, mentally and physically.
My family also made sure that I watched only comedies on the TV. It was a wonderful feeling of being loved and protected. I had friends who were very supportive too. They would take turns to keep me company when I went for my chemotherapy. I thank God for blessing me with good friends and family. At least I did not feel that I was all alone.
After the dreadful chemotherapy, I was put on radiation therapy. It was easy. I had no problem at all with radiation therapy. Then came the big day to visit my doctor, she said that I was clear of cancer, for now. I know that I had to take care of myself within these 5 years because the chances of the cancer returning were high. I was put on Tamoxifen for 5 years too.
I am happy to say that in 2004 we were blessed with our second daughter. In the following year, to the shock of everyone including myself, my 3rd baby was discovered by my radiologist!! Yes, I have a handful now but am handling my ‘brood” with a grateful heart.
Parting thoughts: We can never be free from any free radicals but we can keep them at bay.
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