Mom had breast cancer but she was no invalid
By Keh Chooi Lan (19 Mar 2006)

Mom’s battle with cancer began 16 years ago. She was diagnosed with Stage Two breast cancer and had a mastectomy. Her first thought after her doctor told her she had cancer was that we, her children (I was 16 years old, brother was 14 and sister was 11), were going to have a step mother. She did not want that to happen to us as she had a step mom when she was a teenager. So she fought on, for sixteen long years, until all of us graduated from universities and have our own careers. Three days after we celebrated Dad’s 57th birthday, she told us that she was tired of fighting and asked us to look after our father. She succumbed to her killer disease three weeks later.

Five and a half years ago, she had a relapse and was diagnosed with Stage Four cancer. She survived for more than five years, a feat where the five year survival rate barely reaches five percent. Mom had a new oncologist then. He was wonderful! He told her that they “will fight this battle together” and fight they did as Mom lived to celebrate her 60^th birthday. Mom is very fond of telling everybody this story and once at a seminar which her oncologist invited her to, he introduced Mom as his STAR patient! And a star patient she was too, as he often asked Mom for favours to counsel his other patients who were depressed about their disease. There were many times where her compassionate oncologist did not charge her for his professional fees. There was once when he managed to get her free supply for a hormone drug as she was the first patient in Malaysia to undergo this treatment.

Even though Mom had a life threatening disease, never once did she disrupt the lifestyle of her family. We will get a lashing if we tried to treat her differently as Mom said that she was not an invalid.

Mom was on chemotherapy for most of the past two years which made her lose her hair for the umpteenth time! When her hair grew back, it was as fine and soft as baby’s hair. Not wanting to don a wig, she used scarves which made her look very cool and trendy, just like some of the singers on MTV.

She was tired most of the time and did not welcome well meaning visitors who wanted to drop by the house to visit. During the funeral, many relatives came up to me and said that they had tried visiting a few times but Mom would always come up with excuses that she was not free. Even in hospital, she did not like visitors. Everybody who went to visit her in the hospital would ask the same questions and it tired her out to answer them each time. She did not like people to pity her or to treat her differently.

Mom spent her last eight days in hospital. She was admitted due to an infection and had to be given antibiotics continuously. At that time, her oncologist still had great hopes for her recovery and even recommended a new hormone drug. After five days, her condition took a drastic change for the worse. Her cancer had spread to her lymph nodes and it infected her whole lungs. She was too weak to recover as her blood count was already at a very low level. During these eight days, she had to comfort us more than we had to comfort her. Mom even told my brother that she will live just to nag him. Mom was put on morphine to reduce her suffering but even with a substantial amount of morphine in her, she was still able to respond with nods and a press of the hand when we talked to her.

In the end, she died a peaceful death. My brother and sister were there to see her draw her last breath on 15 October 2005. It was a rainy and bleak Saturday afternoon, which reflected our feelings.

Cancer patients and their family members should trust and listen to their oncologist. Do not change oncologist by going to a different country or change your method of treatment when a particular drug fails. There were instances when a hormone drug did not work on Mom and her CEA (cancer count) jumped by 300% in three months. Some drugs need three months to work before any results can be seen. There were also instances when the hormone drug only worked for nine months before she had to change drug again. Mom survived cancer for 16 years by eating a balanced diet. She did not believe in any fad diets or direct selling claims that their products can cure cancer.

There are still many things which I would like to share with Mom and which I should have learnt before she got too tired to cook, like the family’s secret recipe for Siamese laksa and her special peanut sauce for steamboat. I would like to tell Mom that the government is doing more to reduce the cost of treatment for cancer. Mom was always worried about her treatment costs which put a strain on the family’s savings. I would like to tell Mom that the Prime Minister’s wife passed away five days after her. I would like to tell her not to worry about Dad as my two and a half year old son sleeps with Dad on weekends. I would like to tell her that Dad still gets wholesome home cooked food and that we are bringing Dad for a holiday in January.

Towards the end, being a united and caring family allowed Mom to leave us peacefully. We have been able to let her go with sadness but not guilt. We love you Mom.
 

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