Cancer is a harsh teacher…
By Jamilah Samian (19 Mar 2006)

For every woman who is afflicted with breast cancer, a killer that stalks the lives of numerous women worldwide, surviving becomes a personal struggle. In August 2005, my cousin at 45 years was diagnosed with breast cancer. This is her story as told to me.

I wasn’t alarmed when I detected a small lump in my right breast that Sunday morning. My mother had discovered a lump in her breast at the age of 50 which turned out to be benign.

My husband, Eusoff, thought otherwise. Two weeks later, at his urging, I went to the hospital for a check-up. Following the X-rays, the nurse on call said the doctor insisted I had a biopsy.

I didn’t think much of it right up to the time I was called in by the oncologist, a soft-spoken man in his fifties named Dr Lee. He clipped my X-rays into the light box and grimaced at them. “I’m afraid things don’t look too good,” he said gravely.

His next words came steadily but they were all a blur. I could barely hear what he was saying. Words like “might have spread into the lymph nodes” and “aggressive treatment” swam in my head. My mind felt numb and I had this strange choking sensation. All I wanted at that moment was to get out of the consultation room for a breath of fresh air.

I had once thought that, because I have been a nurse for more than twenty years and have rubbed shoulders with plenty of sick patients including those who were terminally ill, I could handle anything. But now I realized that, when it comes to cancer, nothing could have prepared anyone for the ensuing emotional strain that he or she is about to endure.

My mind felt numb as I drove home. I felt anger and disbelief welling up inside me. How could this happen when I have been taking such good care of myself? I exercised regularly, did not drink or smoke and ate healthy foods.

Once home, I picked up the phone with trembling hands and spoke to my husband. “I have cancer.” There was a long, deafening silence. Eusoff had offered to accompany me to see the doctor that day but I had declined, thinking it was just another routine appointment. He came straight home and just held me as tears tumbled down my cheeks. When I looked up, his eyes were red and swollen, too.

Eusoff was insistent that we got a second opinion. After all, he argued, doctors are humans, too and they make mistakes just like the rest of us do. We went to another hospital the next day. I put up with another series of medical examinations - only to be told of the same news at the end of it all.

Somehow, this confirmation snapped me out of the doldrums. I knew it was time to act.

Eusoff suggested we get ourselves a book “so we could get the big picture.” I thought reading about someone who had had breast cancer would help. We surfed the net and found Living Through Breast Cancer by Carolyn M. Kaelin.

What struck me most was the fact that the writer was a breast cancer surgeon and was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003. She had since had three lumpectomies, a mastectomy, chemotherapy and reconstructive surgery. The fact that she had undergone so much and still surviving was an inspiring revelation.

We read late into the night and for the first time, I didn’t feel so helpless anymore. I realized how important it was to fight and that I had alternatives when it came to treatment. But the most important lesson I acquired was that no matter how bleak the diagnosis is, each case of breast cancer is as unique as the individual it strikes and this gave me a much needed sense of hope.

Three days later I was back at Dr Lee’s office with Eusoff. I was still terrified but had regained my composure somewhat and was ready to listen to him.

Dr Lee patiently went over what he had told me earlier. “Breast cancer is preceded by an abnormal proliferation of cells. But so long as the tumors are contained in the milk ducts and haven’t spread into the lymph nodes, the situation is under control.” My cancer was at a stage where an aggressive treatment was needed as it had spilled into some of the lymph nodes.

I opted for a battery of chemotherapy followed by radiation, which began on 17th September. I chose chemo first because I wanted to see if the tumor would shrink before I am forced to take the other option: mastectomy. I decided to trust my medical team to do what they must do to eliminate my body of the deadly cancerous tissues.

I’m still undergoing treatment. It has not been an easy path. At times, I vomit incessantly and convulse in bed. My immune system is weakened by the chemotherapy. The fatigue is something I cannot come to terms with. Some days I just have to hang on to chairs or whatever I could grab just to reach the bathroom.

When I woke up one morning to find gobs of hair on my pillow, I reassured myself that it was necessary to cure myself of cancer. I know I need every ounce of strength – physical, emotional and mental – to regain my health and put this illness at bay. Cancer is a harsh teacher. You never realize how precious life is until you are face to face with a vicious disease like it.

Based on my progress so far, the doctors believe I have a good chance of surviving. I do, too. I’m determined to win this battle and get my life back on track. Looking back, I’m just glad my cancer, though malignant, was discovered before it was too late.
 

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